Friday, March 11, 2005

What Happened?

Started a blog named Bubba Bites, 'cause Bubba does sometimes loose control and takes a nip at "intruders". I have lost that blog somewhere. Had to start a new blog. So Blazer Bites keeps the alliteration, although I never saw him attack anyone except Mac, the collie, who pestered him.

So anyway, I see this as my opportunity to take a nip at certain oddities of life. Like the lines at the checkout at Lowe's. There is a sign that says "For your convenience, we will open another register when there are three people in line." At about 12:19 p.m. today, I walked from the garden center on the north end of the store all the way to the last checkout lane on the south end. There were at least eight people in line at the garden center and no less that three in line at each of the three (out of ten) other lanes. The last lane was as good as any other so I stopped there, fourth in line. The first guy in line was finished about the time another person with one of those giant lumber carts decides this is the best line and gets behind me. I'm starting to feel trapped. The next little group is a family buying electical parts. Dad, Mom, and a 10 year old girl. Why is this kid in line? This is Friday, a school day. Truant. Just there to make the line longer. Hey, the sign says "three people", I say open another line. They have a whole basket full of switches, pvc elbows and nipples, gizmos, stuff, all bar coded and all different. The check out lady (a refugee from the retirement home across the loop) has to find all the bar codes and squeeze the trigger on the scanner gun about 3 times on each piece. At 12:26, they finally whip out the checkbook. Crap. Use a credit card. Finally, they move on. Suddenly, the couple in front of me start pulling stuff out of their cart. Wait, they aren't a couple. Just two strangers in line at Lowe's who don't want to hold all their stuff while our checker, Dorothy (I'm close enough to read her name badge now), is ignoring the "For your convenience" sign above her register. Fortunately, neither have much for Dorothy to scan. But the lady has come from the garden center with a flat of some kind of lettuce looking plants in six six-packs. (I wish daughter was here to do plant identification. That lady might be growing illegal herbs and we could nip this whole operation in the bud, so to speak.) This should go fast. Scan one, hit the "x6" key and she's out of here. Wrongo. Scan each six-pack individually and squeeze the scanner trigger about 3 times on each one after taking each six-pack out of the tray to find the freaking bar code! Come on, Dorothy. Use the wonders of modern technology. Use the "x6" key!

Finally at 12:31 I lay down my $1.29 sprinkler head (180 degree, in case you're keeping score) and my box of 100 ear plugs (wifey worries that I'll lose my hearing while working in the shop--yet knows I'm ready for hearing aids, so what's the deal?). For some reason, I can't help but ask "Who is the person in charge of opening more lanes when there are three people in line?"

"Huh?", replies Dorothy.

I'm thinking Dorothy should have used ear plugs earlier in life.

Pointing at the back of the sign above her register, I say, "I say, who's in charge of opening more lanes when there are three people in line?"

"Oh, that would be Chuck," says Dorothy, turning a shoulder to indicate somewhere to the north of her. I'm thinking "Don't throw your back out of whack, Dorothy, twisting around like that. We need all the checkers we can get."

During all this chit-chat, I've swiped my credit card and stuck it back in my billfold and put it back in my pocket. "I'll need to see that card," says Dorothy. Get the billfold out, get the card out. "Need the last four digits," she says. "Hell," I think, " you just scanned my whole life's history into freaking cyberspace. Why do you need the last four digits?" Should have written a check.

"New procedure?", I ask.

"Huh?" she asks as she enters the last four digits of my credit card into her register. "Thanks for the ear plugs," I say with a smile.

Fifteen minutes after stopping in Dorothy's "good as any other" check-out line, I'm checked out.

I'll be back tomorrow. Hope to see all my new buddies at Lowe's.

3 Comments:

Blogger Garden Obsession said...

I laughed out loud at least 3 times! How fun! I must link to your blog from my blog asap.

3:18 PM  
Blogger Angie said...

Hi Heather's dad. That was too funny. Thanks for the laugh.

9:49 PM  
Blogger What Was I Thinkin'? said...

Hi Heather's friend. Thanks for leading her down the garden path. And the kind words re: this blog.

8:53 PM  

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